lizigation

I’ve always wanted to consider myself adventurous and courageous. But unlike intelligence, which I have no doubt I fully possess, the jury is still out on adventure and courage. The barrier to these qualities, I know, is all in my head (like most things), and throughout life I’ve tried to break the barrier down by tricking my brain.

When I was a kid I was really afraid of needles and consistently embarrassed my mother by having to be chased around the examination room by the nurse in order to get a shot (sometimes a blood test). The resulting discussion with my mother about how “babies are better behaved” got me down on myself enough for me to do something about it. When my pre-high school vaccinations came around I decided to stare the needle down while silently repeating “life is pain,” which was the motto of the immortal vampire in some Goosebumps knock off that I’d read. This time I was publicly complimented on my stoicism in front of the whole waiting room.

At institute, training for Teach for America, I printed Eleanor Roosevelt’s words “You must do the thing you think you cannot do” in 72 font and tacked it to my wall. Every morning, before facing a day of anxiety, panic, and feeling in over my head, I would take a deep breath and say it a couple of times. I know it sounds cheesy, but homing in on the one thing I dreaded most that day (like disciplining children) and resolving to do that one thing, if nothing else, gave me a sense of calm that was absolutely necessary to being an effective teacher. I left that slip of paper up in my room for my entire TFA experience.

Maybe it pumps me up. Maybe it drowns out my thoughts. But either way a mantra eases my anxiety and lets me do the things I need to do. Right now I’m contemplating many paths I could choose to follow as a law student and (as usual) I’m anxious. I want to be adventurous and try new things. I want to be courageous and not cling to a deferred life plan. So right now I’m searching for the Law School Mantra.

My Doctor’s Office Mantra is good for physical challenges.

My TFA Mantra resolves me to psychological and emotional steadiness.

The Law School Mantra needs to help me with academic endurance and choice anxiety. It’s a tall order to fill (I might need two.)

Brainstorming:

1. I will get a job.

2. If I value the journey, I’ll value the end. (is this true???)

3. I can always go back to teaching. (heh…)

4. One step at a time is good walking. Chinese proverb.

5. Hard work is a privilege. (Thanks, Dad!)

6. If you limit your choices only to what seems possible or reasonable, you disconnect yourself from what you truly want, and all that is left is compromise. Robert Fritz

I’m not sure any of these quite trick my brain the way I want them to, although 6 has some potential. Maybe I need to consult more literary sources. Does anyone have any ideas? Or a mantra you use for something else? I will let you know if I find something good.